We have so much to be thankful for.
Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.
May it be filled with love, laughter and super yummy food.
Ancora Imparo
Marla, Mike and Sully
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving...
We have so much to be thankful for.
Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.
May it be filled with love, laughter and super yummy food.
Ancora Imparo
Marla, Mike and Sully
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A Little Late...
While my hair follicles were hibernating I was pretty content with the assortment of scarves and hats that I had to wear but I did contemplate a few festive choices.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Friday, November 14, 2008
Healing...
I had a qi gong (pronounced chee gong) session this week. And for those not familiar this is a quick definition from our friends at Wikipedia. The qi in qigong means breath or air in Chinese, and, by extension, life force, dynamic energy or even cosmic breath. Gong means work applied to a discipline or the resultant level of skill, so qigong is thus breath work or energy work.
I did not know what to expect and I think that no two people have the same experiences. I can tell you that it was a very emotional (in a good way)and I am still processing it. But I slept better that evening than I have in months. So I am thinking that my qi needed some attention.
We started the session by talking about my cancer journey. Which started when I was 8 with the death of my real father and continued with the death of my real mom followed years later with the death of my step mom. And of course there have been others along the way that have battled cancer and continue to battle in my circle and of course my own diagnosis in March.
I was led through several exercises that target different things. One of them was a reprogramming of my DNA. Now it may sound a little woo woo for some of you but I am open to whatever works -- I am cancer free and want to keep it that way. I had to visualize the bad pieces of my double helix and then repair them (visualizing what was bad in this case glowing with what was good.)
Following that exercise I worked on healing my heart. As I was told that it seemed like with all that I have been through and even though I have a positive attitude and outlook there is still a wounded heart that needed repair and the breast and lungs are attached to the heart center. Again, this may be too out there for some of you. This was truly cathartic for me. I was told to visualize a door outside of my heart and to open it and then to really examine my heart and look for signs of tears and breaks and if I found one I was to use a needle and thread (I visualized gold thread and quite a large needle) and mend them. As I was making the repairs the thread dissolved leaving a perfect heart. As tears streamed down my face I felt lighter as I let go of a lot of past hurts. It is difficult to put into words the impact that this session had on me.
We talked about releasing any and all pain of losing loved ones and replacing it with a celebration of the joy for having had them. This is not new for me but in the context of the entire session it made a tremendous impact.
I was reminded that although I am done with my treatment (with exception of reconstruction) I am still not at 100% and it will take time (approximately two to three years) for me to get there. That must explain why I have been drawn to butterflies in the last several months -- I feel that I am in a cocoon of sorts and when this is truly behind me I sense emerging as a magnificent butterfly.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
I did not know what to expect and I think that no two people have the same experiences. I can tell you that it was a very emotional (in a good way)and I am still processing it. But I slept better that evening than I have in months. So I am thinking that my qi needed some attention.
We started the session by talking about my cancer journey. Which started when I was 8 with the death of my real father and continued with the death of my real mom followed years later with the death of my step mom. And of course there have been others along the way that have battled cancer and continue to battle in my circle and of course my own diagnosis in March.
I was led through several exercises that target different things. One of them was a reprogramming of my DNA. Now it may sound a little woo woo for some of you but I am open to whatever works -- I am cancer free and want to keep it that way. I had to visualize the bad pieces of my double helix and then repair them (visualizing what was bad in this case glowing with what was good.)
Following that exercise I worked on healing my heart. As I was told that it seemed like with all that I have been through and even though I have a positive attitude and outlook there is still a wounded heart that needed repair and the breast and lungs are attached to the heart center. Again, this may be too out there for some of you. This was truly cathartic for me. I was told to visualize a door outside of my heart and to open it and then to really examine my heart and look for signs of tears and breaks and if I found one I was to use a needle and thread (I visualized gold thread and quite a large needle) and mend them. As I was making the repairs the thread dissolved leaving a perfect heart. As tears streamed down my face I felt lighter as I let go of a lot of past hurts. It is difficult to put into words the impact that this session had on me.
We talked about releasing any and all pain of losing loved ones and replacing it with a celebration of the joy for having had them. This is not new for me but in the context of the entire session it made a tremendous impact.
I was reminded that although I am done with my treatment (with exception of reconstruction) I am still not at 100% and it will take time (approximately two to three years) for me to get there. That must explain why I have been drawn to butterflies in the last several months -- I feel that I am in a cocoon of sorts and when this is truly behind me I sense emerging as a magnificent butterfly.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Friday, November 7, 2008
A Little Insight...
In my support group this week I shared some of my feelings that have surfaced about my mom and a deep sense of loss. Not what I have lost but more of a sense of what I feel I was not able to give.
One of our last conversations was at LAX and we were saying goodbye to one another (she and my Dad were headed to Texas.) I did not want her to leave (she was going there for a bone marrow transplant.) I remember hugging her and crying as she told me that it was her only hope. She had no other treatment option. She knew she was dying and she went and did what she had to do because she wanted to live. Unfortunately it didn't work out as they had planned and a few weeks after they left L.A. they returned back home where surrounded by family and friends she passed away.
Now, twenty years later, I like to think that my mom knows how my life has unfolded and that brings me a sense of comfort. But I also feel that emptiness that she is gone. I know in my heart that the choices she made and the bravery and courage she displayed while going through her battle with cancer have certainly given me the strength to face my journey and to attack it head on.
With the support of my family and friends I am able to embrace each day and feel the many blessings of light and love around me as I rebuild and truly recover. So what if I am feeling fatigued -- I am here!
Ancora Imparo
Marla
One of our last conversations was at LAX and we were saying goodbye to one another (she and my Dad were headed to Texas.) I did not want her to leave (she was going there for a bone marrow transplant.) I remember hugging her and crying as she told me that it was her only hope. She had no other treatment option. She knew she was dying and she went and did what she had to do because she wanted to live. Unfortunately it didn't work out as they had planned and a few weeks after they left L.A. they returned back home where surrounded by family and friends she passed away.
Now, twenty years later, I like to think that my mom knows how my life has unfolded and that brings me a sense of comfort. But I also feel that emptiness that she is gone. I know in my heart that the choices she made and the bravery and courage she displayed while going through her battle with cancer have certainly given me the strength to face my journey and to attack it head on.
With the support of my family and friends I am able to embrace each day and feel the many blessings of light and love around me as I rebuild and truly recover. So what if I am feeling fatigued -- I am here!
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Happy Halloween...
Hoping that you all had a very Happy Halloween.
It was a true treat to be with our Ewok.
I missed trick-or-treating last year due to work so I was truly grateful that I could be with my favorite guys last night. It was also a treat to be able to make Sully's costume.
I am simply in awe of the mask and spear that Mike was able to create. He is such an amazing artist.
I continue to count the many blessings in my life.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Thursday, October 30, 2008
258 Weeks Left...
My hysterectomy was six weeks ago and I have just completed my second week on Arimidex. I have 258 weeks left. Thankfully the side effects are manageable thus far. The biggest complaints are muscle pain and fatigue. Both seem to be better if I keep moving and not sit for extended periods of time. The nausea and headaches I was experiencing last week have begun to subside which makes me very happy.
My hair is really growing in now. It looks like the color is basically the same. It is too early to tell if it will be curly or wavy. The pic on this posting was taken just moments ago.
Earlier in the week I transitioned to the post treatment group at weSpark so today I went to the in treatment group one last time to say goodbye and have a sense of closure. That group was a big part of my journey when I was undergoing treatment. It was a place for me to go and share what I was experiencing. A non judgmental environment which is so essential when you are in a vulnerable place. No matter how strong you are and how much support you have the ability to share your experience with others in a similar situation is helpful. I don't want that to sound like I don't appreciate and embrace all of the amazing people that have continued to keep us in their thoughts and prayers so please don't take offense but for those that have undergone a life changing event I think you may understand what I am trying to say. Without the love and support of my dear husband, family and friends I may not have sought out a place like weSpark. And I am truly grateful that I did. Mike continues to allow me to find myself and my "new" sense of normal and I am so incredibly blessed and fortunate that I can do that.
I certainly would never wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone. But g-d forbid you are faced with it you have to seek out a cancer support center. You can't battle this on your own. You need the support of those that have walked that road before you.
My hair is really growing in now. It looks like the color is basically the same. It is too early to tell if it will be curly or wavy. The pic on this posting was taken just moments ago.
Earlier in the week I transitioned to the post treatment group at weSpark so today I went to the in treatment group one last time to say goodbye and have a sense of closure. That group was a big part of my journey when I was undergoing treatment. It was a place for me to go and share what I was experiencing. A non judgmental environment which is so essential when you are in a vulnerable place. No matter how strong you are and how much support you have the ability to share your experience with others in a similar situation is helpful. I don't want that to sound like I don't appreciate and embrace all of the amazing people that have continued to keep us in their thoughts and prayers so please don't take offense but for those that have undergone a life changing event I think you may understand what I am trying to say. Without the love and support of my dear husband, family and friends I may not have sought out a place like weSpark. And I am truly grateful that I did. Mike continues to allow me to find myself and my "new" sense of normal and I am so incredibly blessed and fortunate that I can do that.
I certainly would never wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone. But g-d forbid you are faced with it you have to seek out a cancer support center. You can't battle this on your own. You need the support of those that have walked that road before you.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Life Force...
Yesterday I went to my second Reiki session at weSpark. Just in case this is a new term for you here is a little definition from reiki.org.
Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one's "life force energy" is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.
It is always an interesting experience to have energy work. My biggest challenge is lying still and quieting my mind. I have the same issue in Yoga. My mind wanders. Yesterday, I started thinking about dinner. As in what should I make for dinner... what ingredients do I have on hand to make a balanced and quick dinner. So as I was lying there yesterday and A was leading me in Reiki I thought about making a nice fresh green salad and steamed broccoli but that turned to roasted zucchini because I just picked up some nice organic zucchini and steaming seemed so pedantic. But then it was time to figure out the entree. And all the while I thought I just need to be in the moment. Which worked temporarily until I thought about my 88 year old Grandma and her broken telephone which would be repaired today. This went on for an hour. My mind wandering while A worked on my life force. I have to say I did relax and I did take a lot in. I am continuing to remind myself to be in the moment. It is one of the many new mantras that I have since being on this journey.
Earlier in the morning I worked on my resume and surfed the net for potential job leads. This felt good. My return to work date is January 5, 2009.
These are my thoughts; because I have met and continue to meet so many amazing people on this journey. I am looking for a job where I can give back. Ideally I want to work for an organization or cause. I am excited about the prospect of doing something different and about the opportunity to make a difference and help others along the way.
Ancora Imparo
Marla
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