Chemo Four...

Just a quickie to tell you that I had my 4th and FINAL Chemo yesterday.
The earthquake was certainly a diversion.

I just got back from the hospital a short while ago to get my final neulasta injection. A big thanks to J and M for the company.
Now I am off to take a nap and munch on some ginger snaps to fight off the nausea.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

Bad Dream...

I had a huge anxiety dream the other night.
In my dream it was Tuesday, 7/29 (tomorrow) and I had taken Sully somewhere and at 10:30A I suddenly remembered that I was scheduled for my last Chemo only I had forgotten (up until that moment) and I hadn't taken any of my pre-Chemo meds and I was now a half hour late. I immediately called the office and explained the situation and was told to come back next week or the week after -- I was really upset by all of this and I pleaded with the oncology nurse on the phone that it was my last one.

Thankfully, it was just a dream.

And the truth of the matter is if in fact my counts are really low tomorrow and I am told that I can't have Chemo I know it will happen at the right time when my counts are high enough for my body to handle it. I don't think that will be case. I am feeling pretty good.

My last Chemo is so close. I look forward to saying goodbye to this part of the process. I am ready to focus on regaining my strength and rebuilding my stamina.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

And yes, I started taking my pre-Chemo meds this morning!

Summer Fruit and New Shoes...

This past week went by very quickly. In a few days I will have my last Chemo. And in a few weeks I am hopeful that my pre diagnosis energy level will begin to return.

I spent some time at weSpark this week attending my support group and creative writing.

In creative writing our facilitator passed out nectarine slices as one of our prompts -- as we took our slice our time to write began. This is what I wrote.

It tastes like summer
It smells carefree
It looks like a slice of the sun

So what does it mean to me?

Summer is a stress free time
An opportunity to move at an easier pace
Somehow the pressure of spring, winter and fall melt away during the summer

I am not sure why this is --
Conditioning of childhood
Longing of a simpler time
Being tucked in at night
Being read to
Being nurtured

I look at the children at play and think don't be in such a rush to grow up
Relish your youth
Like the nectarine slice take small bites to savor it
Maybe that way it will last a little bit longer

Our next prompt was "New Shoes" this is what I wrote.

There is nothing like a pair of new shoes. The Psychic told me several things when I had my session with him six years ago. He said her hair is long, she is laughing, she is pain-free and she has lots of shoes.

My Mom always had a tremendous sense of style from head to toe. She passed her love of shoes onto me.

When I finally outgrew having to wear black and white oxfords in a double "A" it was glorious --

I could be like the other kids and get Keds -- Red Keds and Blue Keds. Those simple sneakers became so important to me. I was no longer the skinny kid with the "special" shoes. I was a regular kid.

I look forward to the new week and celebrate that my last Chemo will be completed.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

Worth Sharing...

So I got an email from a friend today who asked me a couple of questions so I thought I would share a bit of the email chain.

I want to know how you are doing?
How's your health- in all respects?

Hi,

Great to hear from you.

I have responded well to all treatments thus far and have been using all of this as an opportunity to be very clear about what my wants and needs are...

Physically I feel really strong and Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually even stronger.

The blog that we started has been extremely cathartic.
I am able to select what I want to share with others...

I am uncertain about the future from a "career" standpoint as I have said farewell to the work I have done for so many years and have no idea where I will land once I am given the all clear that I can return to the workforce.

In the meantime I go to the Cancer support center whenever I can and take a myriad of classes there. My favorites are Tai Chi and Creative Writing. I have yet to take part in the energy work that they offer but will be scheduling that this week. My support group has given me a lot and I have had the opportunity to speak with a couple of women privately who are now at the beginning of their own personal journeys. I was even asked to be part of our local hospitals "breast friends" network (in association with the American Cancer Society) -- so I feel like I am doing something right. :)

Just last week I picked up the guitar and started playing again which has been a tremendous feeling.
It has been close to 10 years since I practiced.

I continue to be truly grateful for all that I am able to accomplish in a day. I know that a huge part of my healing is due to the incredible support, prayers and love that continue to come to all of us.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

Creative Outlet...

Greetings,

My week included two great visits to weSpark where I participated in what I have found to be my favorite outlets there. My support group of course which I continue to get so much out of as well as Tai Chi and Creative Writing.

It was really nice to see so many familiar faces in creative writing.
Our first prompt was listening to the Matchbox 20 song "Smooth" (Ft. Santana)
"This life ain't good enough..."

Here is what I wrote in response to the music.

Okay, so I am tapping my toes to the beat and feeling the energy of the music but am left with a sense of "Wow, I am older than I think." Not old like put me out to pasture. I like to think I have a lot of good bits remaining albeit I am currently "follically-challenged" and I suppose it right to say in this PC world "Mammary-challenged" but if we look beyond the surface I can say I have a lot to be grateful for and to offer.

That notion that 40 is the new 30 --
for me it is the notion that now in my 40's -- I get it.
It's not so serious.
It's Life.
You seek out what makes you happy and makes your own heart sing.
The constant celebration of the small things.
So you don't go around in high heels, hose and full make-up.
Who really gives a f**k.
It's liberating to be comfortable enough in your own skin -- to say
"Hello world. This is who I am -- Hairless, Boobless and ALIVE!"

I think that sums it up quite nicely for the moment.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

Medically Speaking...

Howdy Folks,

Time for a little medical update.
I had my weekly visit to the oncologist yesterday.
You all will be happy to know that my weight has continued to stay consistent. I fluctuate by 2 pounds weekly -- This has my doctor very pleased since he wants me to maintain my current weight. My counts were very good. White Blood Cells at 10K so the Neulasta injection the day after Chemo really did its job and the bone pain was not as intense this go around. I did still feel the little teeny tiny bones in my ears but only for a short time.

I took several questions to this appointment and received some answers that I want to share with you all.

1) Hysterectomy vs. Ovary & Tube Removal

I am leaning towards having all of my remaining lady bits removed for a myriad of reasons. My ONC is not in disagreement. A few things need to be discussed before a final decision can be reached. There are the results of one more genetic test (CHEK2) that are pending. The idea of what poses less toxicity to my system and a conversation with my OBGYN. Next week I will meet with my OBGYN to discuss toxicity and a few other things. My blood is currently being tested for the CHEK2 gene (results take close to 6 weeks.) Since my cancer is hormone receptor positive I really have to do something to curb the normal hormone producing process in my body and the idea that once off Chemo (which has thrown me into menopause) to only go through menopause again at the "normal" time seems like a twisted joke. But I will patiently await more information.

2) How long after Chemo before starting on Tamoxifen or Aromatase Inhibitor with/without Zometa

My ONC was one of the authors on the recent big study on Zometa and feels it may not be the best option for me. A Bone Density study will be needed before any decisions are made along with the final decision on question 1. If my ovaries remain inside of me (for whatever reason) then I would be on Tamoxifen for the next 5 years (taken like a vitamin) but if I am without them then I would be on an Aromatase Inhibitor.

3) Radiation

I DO NOT need radiation -- Yeah!

4) Tumor Markers

These will be monitored regularly after my last Chemo forever and ever.

The current post Chemo plan of attack is to begin the healing and recovery process for my mind, my body and my spirit and will include:

Port-A-Cath removal -- done in hospital but out patient procedure. I will need DDAVP prior (this is the clotting factor my body does not produce enough of [see earlier post on Von Willebrand's]). This may be done with the following or on its own. Since my body heals a bit slowly from surgery due to the VW my ONC wants to keep things as simple as possible since the end results will be the same.

Lady Bit removal surgery -- pending answers to questions above. I foresee earliest I would be able to do this is in early September.

Reconstruction surgery -- if all goes well I can proceed with this surgery 3 to 6 months following my last Chemo (so I am thinking somewhere between 10/29/08 & 1/29/09) -- If you know someone who had reconstruction surgery and they were happy with their surgeon please let me know.

And now for my Chemo Side Effects update. I am continuing to feel good and am grateful for the good days and the ability to go out and about and do things. I am listening to my bodies cues and trying to not overdo it. If I need to rest I rest. The last couple of days I have been experiencing an odd feeling in my lower legs (knees down to feet) -- kind of a heavy feeling as if I am wearing lead ankle weights. No need to worry -- I am checking in with my ONC daily. My ankles are not swollen and I am elevating my legs even as I type this. I will keep you in the loop. I am (with my ONC's blessing) continuing to exercise lightly during this as well.

The buzz cut continues to make me happy.

The hot flashes continue to make me hot and I seem to be waking between 4A and 5:30A daily... only to go back to sleep until the alarm sounds.

That's my medical news thanks for reading.

Ancora Imparo
Marla

A New Day...

What a HUGE difference a few days make.

I went on the treadmill for a good solid thirty minutes this morning and could feel myself getting energized as each minute passed. It felt so great to be able to exercise today. I am definitely feeling tons and tons and tons better since my Chemo last week.

My mission today was to get my hair (what's left of it) buzzed. I was starting to feel like a plucked chicken and that was bothersome -- only to me but bothersome nonetheless.


A lot of folks that have paved the way before me have opted to shave their heads like Mr. Clean the first moment their hair begins to fall out.


Since my chemo literature says that "you may or may not lose all your hair"
I have been more reserved in my approach.

Mike, bless his heart, is constantly telling me that I look cute without hair. He certainly makes this journey a lot easier (that is a huge understatement) and has continued to keep me laughing. Thank G-d I have him as my partner in life.

So here is my latest look compliments of Sully my in house photographer. I am still losing my hair and that will continue until I am done with Chemo and all of the effects of Chemo have passed through my system. So who knows if I will end up looking like Mr. Clean -- for the moment I am happy with my new less plucked chicken like appearance and relishing the energy I have today!

Ancora Imparo
Marla