Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pictures in the Clouds...

I went to creative writing at weSpark this week, our prompt was Pictures in the Clouds.

When I was little I really thought that I had it all figured out. I remember that I thought the barren mountains along I-10 were really sleeping dinosaurs and at any moment they would wake up from their fifty million year slumber and begin roaming the earth. Their tall necks stretching into the sky would surely touch the clouds.

I also thought that if you were listening to the radio and you turned it off mid song the same song would be playing when you turned the radio back on.

I believed that there were teeny tiny people that lived underneath the traffic lights at intersections and it was their job to change the light from green to yellow to red. When someone would push the crosswalk button it would send an alarm in the teeny tiny world and the teeny tiny people would know it was time to change the light.

And when I was seven and my Grandparents gave me a handful of silver dollars and fifty cent pieces from their weekend trip to Vegas. I remember opening my first bank account with my shiny money -- $7.50. I also remember being truly distraught when I made my first withdrawal. I was not given the same money back. I remember asking why I was given paper money when I had given the teller coins.

Somewhere along the way the innocence of my childhood and my thought process gave way to the wisdom of adulthood and life experience.

A constant has been a love of clouds. In my early twenties I had an opportunity to be amongst them. I was para sailing off the coast in Eleuthra. I remember gliding along and feeling the breeze as it gently swayed me into a Zen like state. It was so quiet and peaceful. 300 feet above the beach felt like it was the closest I could get to heaven while being on this plain of existence.

There was a time when I could easily identify all of the cloud types and know the subtle differences between cumulus and stratus. But there was also a time when I couldn't identify invasive from in situ and when I didn't know the toxicity of AC versus TC.

I had a good look at the clouds today. I paused to celebrate their magnificence and take great honor in being able to continue to gaze at them.

Ancora Imparo

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving...

We have so much to be thankful for.
Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.
May it be filled with love, laughter and super yummy food.

Ancora Imparo
Marla, Mike and Sully

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Little Late...

While my hair follicles were hibernating I was pretty content with the assortment of scarves and hats that I had to wear but I did contemplate a few festive choices.

Ancora Imparo

Friday, November 14, 2008


I had a qi gong (pronounced chee gong) session this week. And for those not familiar this is a quick definition from our friends at Wikipedia. The qi in qigong means breath or air in Chinese, and, by extension, life force, dynamic energy or even cosmic breath. Gong means work applied to a discipline or the resultant level of skill, so qigong is thus breath work or energy work.

I did not know what to expect and I think that no two people have the same experiences. I can tell you that it was a very emotional (in a good way)and I am still processing it. But I slept better that evening than I have in months. So I am thinking that my qi needed some attention.

We started the session by talking about my cancer journey. Which started when I was 8 with the death of my real father and continued with the death of my real mom followed years later with the death of my step mom. And of course there have been others along the way that have battled cancer and continue to battle in my circle and of course my own diagnosis in March.

I was led through several exercises that target different things. One of them was a reprogramming of my DNA. Now it may sound a little woo woo for some of you but I am open to whatever works -- I am cancer free and want to keep it that way. I had to visualize the bad pieces of my double helix and then repair them (visualizing what was bad in this case glowing with what was good.)

Following that exercise I worked on healing my heart. As I was told that it seemed like with all that I have been through and even though I have a positive attitude and outlook there is still a wounded heart that needed repair and the breast and lungs are attached to the heart center. Again, this may be too out there for some of you. This was truly cathartic for me. I was told to visualize a door outside of my heart and to open it and then to really examine my heart and look for signs of tears and breaks and if I found one I was to use a needle and thread (I visualized gold thread and quite a large needle) and mend them. As I was making the repairs the thread dissolved leaving a perfect heart. As tears streamed down my face I felt lighter as I let go of a lot of past hurts. It is difficult to put into words the impact that this session had on me.

We talked about releasing any and all pain of losing loved ones and replacing it with a celebration of the joy for having had them. This is not new for me but in the context of the entire session it made a tremendous impact.

I was reminded that although I am done with my treatment (with exception of reconstruction) I am still not at 100% and it will take time (approximately two to three years) for me to get there. That must explain why I have been drawn to butterflies in the last several months -- I feel that I am in a cocoon of sorts and when this is truly behind me I sense emerging as a magnificent butterfly.

Ancora Imparo

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Little Insight...

In my support group this week I shared some of my feelings that have surfaced about my mom and a deep sense of loss. Not what I have lost but more of a sense of what I feel I was not able to give.

One of our last conversations was at LAX and we were saying goodbye to one another (she and my Dad were headed to Texas.) I did not want her to leave (she was going there for a bone marrow transplant.) I remember hugging her and crying as she told me that it was her only hope. She had no other treatment option. She knew she was dying and she went and did what she had to do because she wanted to live. Unfortunately it didn't work out as they had planned and a few weeks after they left L.A. they returned back home where surrounded by family and friends she passed away.

Now, twenty years later, I like to think that my mom knows how my life has unfolded and that brings me a sense of comfort. But I also feel that emptiness that she is gone. I know in my heart that the choices she made and the bravery and courage she displayed while going through her battle with cancer have certainly given me the strength to face my journey and to attack it head on.

With the support of my family and friends I am able to embrace each day and feel the many blessings of light and love around me as I rebuild and truly recover. So what if I am feeling fatigued -- I am here!

Ancora Imparo

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Happy Halloween...

Hoping that you all had a very Happy Halloween.
It was a true treat to be with our Ewok.
I missed trick-or-treating last year due to work so I was truly grateful that I could be with my favorite guys last night. It was also a treat to be able to make Sully's costume.

I am simply in awe of the mask and spear that Mike was able to create. He is such an amazing artist.

I continue to count the many blessings in my life.

Ancora Imparo