Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Time for Mourning...

In my group today one of the amazing women brought up that she is beginning to mourn for her breasts as she prepares for her surgery. I've expressed before that I never felt like my breasts made me the woman that I am. But I think it is always difficult to lose a part of you whether it is physical or emotional. It's not like I was so cavalier about my initial surgery that I had no emotional attachment to them.

In addition to the mourning we also discussed the concept of attachment to something versus connection. So while I was attached to my breasts the connection to them and my femininity is not something I ever felt. As I prepare for my upcoming hysterectomy I am thinking about my uterus and how that is a different story for me. The connection between my uterus is the link to a fundamental purpose that we (and it depends on what you believe) were initially designed for. That purpose, the ability to bring a child into this world, is being removed. And it happens to women all the time -- my circumstances are no more unique or special than any other woman who has had to make this decision... But I find it interesting as I begin to really process what it means.

I continue to keep my eye on the big picture. Being here when I am old in my rocker with my dear husband next me and celebrating all of the many life events to come. I also continue to feel so truly blessed to have the support that I have.

Ancora Imparo


Anonymous said...

When doors close permanently (the ability to produce a child), there is always a stab of pain at the knowledge that a wonderful experience can never again be enjoyed. I remember after my hysterectomy, for several days after, I would waken from sleep CERTAIN that I had felt a baby moving in my uterus. That potential child made my heart ache.

Having said that, I must also say that there were many positives to the hysterectomy...and those helped me get through the time of loss that I experienced.

Keep smiling, dearest Marla...the best is yet to be.

Shabbat Shalom.

Marilyn, Fred and Betty

laura said...

funny thing. when i saw your heading on this recent post with the date so big and clear, i thought 'o yeah, sept 11, a time to mourn'. and then i read your story. strange, isn't it, that it seems we all have things to mourn for at the same time we have so much to be thankful for? hang in there, marla, you're doing great. and btw: i'm over at agt this week. c'mon by, i know they all wanna see you. xo

Anonymous said...

You know its funny, we don't REALLY want another baby, but facing the fact that we can't/won't have another one makes us feel strange inside. I'm not having a hysterectomy, but I'm not having another baby and it sometimes makes you feel sad. Your uterus grew with a beautiful baby and Sully is the result, it was a beautiful safe home for him and the first time you felt him move was momentous, keep those feelings close to your heart. We are so lucky to have "housed" beautiful babies in our bodies, rejoice and also mourn, its another chapter in our lives. It's just ONE of the reasons why you are here. I so wish you didn't have to have the surgery, but I want you around for a very long time! I love you Lis

Juls said...

I had the same thought as Laura. Funny that you're going through your mourning process on such a significant day. I can totally see the difference between your initial surgery and this one. But the idea of more children was something that you and Mike decided on ages ago. Hey, I'll have an extra when you feel the urge. I think the reasons to have the surgery far outweigh the reasons not to, in spite of the original purpose of a woman's uterus. And hey, no more periods. There's a lot to be said for that.