Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Next Stop Surgery...

I had a lot of mixed emotions today. There was laughter, tears, sarcasm with a splash of cynicism, more tears and lots more laughter. While I am not nervous about the surgery (don't get me wrong I will be a little more than anxious in the morning) -- I started really thinking about what it must have been like for my mom when she was faced with similar decisions and had to make choices twenty four years ago and it saddened me that I don't know what she was thinking or feeling at the time and it was something that we never got the opportunity to talk about.

I know that the choices I am making with regard to my surgery are for the best possible outcome. The aggressiveness of my treatment plan (bilateral mastectomy vs. lumpectomy) is due to family history and due to my family. My amazing husband, Mike, who is the light of my life and right by my side rooting me on every step of the way and our beautifully magical son, Sully, who wants Mommy to be able to be at the park playing frisbee and MY WANT to be cancer free and able to attend and participate at all of the celebrations to come and to one day meet our grand babies and to one day be sitting with Mike in our retirement community in Palm Springs when we are in our 80's. I always liked shuffleboard and a nice swim.

Thank you all for the beautiful emails, cards, texts and phone calls. But above all for keeping all of us in your thoughts and prayers. I got the following today -- it really captured exactly how I feel so I thought I would share.

"I know it sounds funny, but you need to visualize this cancer and then see yourself kicking its ass out of town. I hope you can feel all the love that surrounds you!"

And to that I say I do. I absolutely do. I see the cancer getting kicked out tomorrow. Or thrown out. I see it clearly getting the message that it is not welcome in this body of mine and to get the heck out of dodge.

And with regard to the love and the prayers I can absolutely feel them. It is truly touching to be receiving so much from so many. I am so blessed and honored to have so many people thinking good thoughts for my recovery.

Tomorrow will be a great day.
I will check-in to the hospital at a nice respectable hour, breeze through the hospital admitting process and proceed to the matters at hand. Getting the cancer out of my body! I will awaken from surgery cancer free and with the knowledge that this surgery is behind me.

Wishing you all a peaceful night and a wonderful tomorrow.
Ancora Imparo


joyce said...

You inspire us in ways you could never imagine and we are not just talking about the haircut. By the time you read this, a new facet of this journey begins. It is one of healing and renewal. You are surrounded by immense love and support, but it is your positive energy, spirit and humor that will nourish your body and soul. When you awake from the surgery on Thursday, smile your BEAUTIFUL smile! You are on your way to great things and we are by your side always.
We LOVE you! Adam & Joyce

Ellen said...

You are on your way to achieving just what you wanted...Your great life and health are going to return...You are so wonderful!!!

joyce said...

It is 9:50 pm and thoughts of all of you have been on our minds ALL DAY LONG. We wish you a restful, peaceful nights sleep. We know that when you awake Friday morning, you will be enveloped by love, prayers and the health of a body that has conquered that "c" word!!!!! You are in our hearts and we continue to root for the AWESOME ZACK TEAM!!!! By the way...can we bring you some chicken soup when we come to visit?? Biggest hugs...Joyce and Adam