Thursday, August 7, 2008

Damaged Goods...

An interesting point was made in my support group today. Someone said they felt like "damaged goods" -- that their cancer diagnosis and treatment has left them feeling like less of a woman.

This remark made me sad. I have never felt for one moment during all of this that I was damaged and I have never felt like I was less of a woman.

I know everyone who has ever dealt with this disease is on their own personal journey and people process things in their own way.

Do I like the fact I am dealing with Cancer -- NO!
Would I change places with someone else so I don't have to deal with this -- NO!
Do I feel like less of a woman because my breasts are gone -- Absolutely NOT!
Do I feel like I am less of a person -- NO F'ing Way!

I have a lot to be grateful and thankful for and I know it. I count my blessings daily. My beautiful husband, son, family and our incredible circle of friends have made a tremendous impact on my healing and recovery.

Ancora Imparo


Aaron said...


You bring up a very interesting observation. For years I have heard both of these expressions, and for the life of me, I just can't understand them. Hurt and damage is one thing, self worth is quite another. We as individuals are far more than the sum of our parts, as it were, and though disease or injury may impact us, and impact us greatly, its not attacking who we are. You are not less of a person by virtue of your battle with cancer - you are MORE of a person. Do you like it, no. But has it made you a stronger, wiser, dare I even say better person? I'd say the answer is most certainly yes.

Damaged goods? Nope. New and improved goods? Well, that seems to be very much in the works!


Anonymous said...

I wonder how old the person was who said that....I would assume she is in her 40s or 50s, which makes her depressing outcry even more mournful. However, if she is older than that, I can tell you that she is part of the last generation of women who, as a group, were valued for their looks, their housekeeping skills,and many other extraneous things that had absolutely nothing to do with who they REALLY WERE.

I am so happy that most of your generation has gotten so far beyond that place that the whole concept seems an alien one. I am also thrilled that I was raised by a mother (she would be 100 if she were alive) who was an independent woman, with a deep sense of self...and she gave that gift to her 71 and 61 year old daughters. Here! Here!!!

A woman's sexuality and worth are not dependent upon her breats. The heart of sexuality and worth lies in one's brain.

Onward and upward, dearest Marla. You make us proud and happy to be your friends.

Marilyn, Fred and Betty

Anonymous said...

My mother always told me that what you are comes from the inside, your core. Ironically your core does not have 'parts.' Your core, Marla, inspires me, encourages me to be a better person. Your husband has a core that evokes the same thing. this expierence has only brought out the best in each of you and you can see that as well in your beautiful son! God bless - and I will continue to pray for all of you! Love, Steph

Juls said...

I'm sorry this woman feels she's less of anything because she's going through her cancer struggle. She's got so much to live for and so much to get through and to waste energy on feeling less, is so sad. I hope it was just a passing moment of self-pity and that she realizes that all of this, while extremely difficult, will be her so much more of a person and woman.

I know you don't wish any of this on anyone, but I think you've learned so much about yourself in the last few months and you're so much stronger because of this. You would've gained this strength at some point in your life, this was just the path it took to get you there. The only thing you've got less of is hair at this point.

Anonymous said...

You go girl!

I've always liked this saying - "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body throughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!''

I also saw a cartoon in Shambala Sun recently - A guy is sitting in his doctors office on the table and the doc is standing in front of him lecturing - "If you don't take care of yourself, You're going to get old and die!

Glad you're not getting hung up on the body image thing! You're amazing!

Love - Steve & Terrah

Anonymous said...

Hey Mar - I'm glad to know that you know that you are not LESS anything. Its too bad that woman feels less than what she was before. Maybe she has an empty spot that has nothing to do with cancer. I'm sending you some hugs. Love Lis